He’s finally been $#@&ing traded – Genius ERP acquires Denis Lemieux from Chiefs

Genius ERP is proud to announce that they have acquired goaltender Denis Lemieux from the Charlestown Chiefs in exchange for future considerations, a skate sharpener and 8 hours of Zamboni maintenance. 

Lemieux, age withheld, holds Federal League records for Wins, Losses, Games Played, Penalty Minutes and Suspensions. The mercurial goaltender has suffered from allergy issues in the past, but doesn’t expect those to return. His relatively dispiriting career figures – 7.17 goals against average and .828 save percentage – likely have more to do with the nonexistent defending and lack of discipline that have characterized the Chiefs play the last five decades. 

Originally signed by Charlestown as an undrafted free agent after a less-than-stellar junior career with the Verdun Maple Leafs, Lemieux won nine Federal League championships, despite having to sit out multiple seasons due to stress and a penchant for puking. After a very trying rookie season, he set career highs in wins and shutouts while winning his first title with the Chiefs in the 1976-77 season. While he hasn’t been able to match that form since, Genius ERP is cautiously optimistic that a return to form is possible, however unlikely, for the greying netminder.

When asked for comment, Genius ERP General Manager Dominic Vezina said, “This is the first I’m hearing of it. Who authorized this trade?” 

For his part, Lemieux is excited to join the best team in manufacturing software. Speaking with legendary broadcaster and toupee aficionado Jim Carr, Lemieux said “I’m happy I was finally traded! It’s been a long time in the works. I’m looking forward to working with the great people at Genius, and helping manufacturers grow. Genius brings engineering and production together and makes sure the whole manufacturing company is working like a team!” 

The Chiefs’ owner could not be identified for comment.